Thursday, July 10, 2008

Mental Feng Shui

Did you know it's possible to get rid of books? Up until about 20 minutes ago, I didn't think it was possible. Books sit in nice rows on shelves and look pretty. The are reassuring and calming to look at. I have 9 shelves of books, my own mini library. I like my library. The books are arranged by subject (fiction or gardening) and the fiction section is arranged alphabetically by author. It's lovely, why would I want to get rid of any of them? They have their place. They're not in the way and I was content. Then, I started reading a WIR thread about decluttering (a subject recently near and dear to my heart) and feng shui. As I was reading through all of the comments that were posted, I kept looking up at my books. It's as if a part of my brain realized something that I wasn't quite ready to admit. One of the feng shui principles discussed in the posts was if you don't love an item and you haven't used it in the past year, get rid of it. As I looked at my lovely collection of books, it dawned on me, there are books up there that I know I will never read again, so why do I keep them? I realize now that's it's so obvious but honestly, up until about 20 minutes ago I NEVER thought of it that way. I kept the books because I like having a lot of books!? What the hell kind of reasoning is that? It took me all of about 30 seconds to clear out 10 books that I know I will never read again. I will go back through them tomorrow and do a more thorough cleaning. Holy crap, it's so liberating! I have a book up there that I hate. I refuse to read that author anymore because her last book (the one on my shelf) was so bad. It's gone! So long! It blows me away that I've never even considered doing this before.

I think my weight lose has rewired my brain. I've been searching...changing...experimenting more. I feel the need to simplify my life which seems odd to me because I wasn't aware it was complicated. Maybe I'm simply trying to finally become the person I should have been all along. But that doesn't feel right. All of the choices I've made and experiences I've had, made me the person I am today. More likely, I'm finally starting to feel confident in who I am and that confidence is now extending into other areas of my life. Anyway, it's very odd to be 39 years old and finally feel like maybe I'm starting to know myself a little better. It's also comforting to know that I'm really enjoying this time in my life. I'm enjoying learning new things about myself and finally having the self confidence to challenge myself. Hmmm, it's definitely not boring being in my brain lately.

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